Connect With A Stranger (Who Will Then Tell You About His Penis)

I'm beginning to remember why I forgot about this blog in the first place: Even less happens to me than I thought. What kind of life am I living when I think something vaguely noteworthy will happen* every week or so, but then the days just keep on slipping by and I'm still left with "My dog is now old and incontinent" and "What does Tumblr do, again?"

Disappointing.

So I'll tell you about my Omegle experience.  Omegle, if there's anyone out there besides me who was unaware, is a chat site that connects you with a Perfect Stranger and the two of you proceed to have a conversation - which, given that both of you are residing behind an impenetrable veil of anonymity, is bound to be soul-baring or at least interesting.

How naive I was, internet.  Because of course when the barriers put up by social niceties go down, the first thing that comes up is an erection.

I've had seven Omegle conversations.  In two of them I was insulted immediately and then the Stranger disconnected before I could muster an appropriately scathing retort.  Two others were normal enough: a nice fellow from, apparently, Sweden, which my faulty Wifi connection ended prematurely; and another guy from Canada who needed a bit of prodding to actually say anything, but was pleasant enough when he did.

The other three?  Were hilarious.  Horny male virgins who, once they realized their requests for "picz" would not be granted, proceeded to grill me about my sex life.  I had fun with that.  I got inventive.  I scared one of them with my enthusiastic descriptions of BSDM, which involved a bit of quick and spontaneous research I had to delete from my browser history.  There were so many emoticons and senseless abbreviations, a string of characters I at first didn't realize was meant to be a penis but, when the penny dropped, seemed like an overly optimistic representation of the Stranger's length.

Everyone wanted to exchange names, ages, and genders, which to me kind of defeated the purpose of the whole "Stranger" business.  If I don't know anything about you, I'll talk about anything.  If I find out you're 19-year-old, virginal Mike and you have "questuns," I sigh and open a tab on vices for a gentleman's scrotum.

I don't think I'll use Omegle again. The charm wears off quickly.

---

* Osama Bin Laden's dead.  There's that.  I should have specified "something vaguely noteworthy will happen TO ME.